My cubs have asked me not to swear anymore. Heh. We'll see how we go, though admittedly my language does get a bit fruity when I'm stressed. : )

I had a test today - one that I'd completely forgotten about. Oops. And naturally I'd not looked at any of my work over the holidays so what had been good, solid knowledge at the end of last term had evaporated. Eh well, I'm not confident I did all that well but if I've cocked up too much I can take it again.
I have, however, done some review for tomorrow's test, though that's for the subject that makes my brain hurt so I'm not getting too blasé... : )

Right, I've got a place in another tuesday morning class for this term, and I'll find out tomorrow if I've got into the wednesday one as well. Assuming all's well, they'll be my only 2 subject for this term which won't hurt at all. I'm enjoying studying but I know I'd be more motivated if I knew right from the beginning what classes I was doing for the whole year. Next year I'll be more organised.

This very, very funny thing came to me from a mailing list but its origin is the Bad Mothers Club. I love this site, it's a whiff of sanity amongst the 'perfect mother - perfect life' nonsense foisted on us by just about everyone...

Top Ten Crafty Ways to Make Your Children Help In the House

1. It's Not About 'Helping Out'
Forget this completely, because 'helping out' implies that housework is Your Job and the family are only picking up their own toenail clippings as a Huge Personal Favour. Also, your idea of helping out - vacuuming, washing up, excavating the Neolithic apple cores from behind the sofa - may not concur with theirs: rinsing a teaspoon every Leap Year.

2. 10 smiley faces = 1 hour of Beyblade
Of course you've done this, haven't you? And maybe you've offered payment - please God they're not yet aware of the minimum wage. Or, if you're really sorted, perhaps you've put smiley faces on a chart where, say, 10 smiley faces = one hour of Beyblade. But for those of us who have normal, shouty, sulky children, try throwing in a bit of BMC small print of your own...

3. Financial Incentives
While paying children to do their chores helps, withholding pocket money for not doing them helps too. And fining them for being completely arsey about it Really Helps. I pay my 9 year-old to do his chores, but I also impose a 'whinge tax' which means more than three minutes of moaning, stamping and huffing and I start taking 10p off his dosh. He once kicked up a mighty stink about emptying the dishwasher and to his rage, ended up being fined 50p. It still gives me a warm bad motherly glow thinking about it. Especially as he still had to empty the dishwasher.

4. There is no such thing as Laundry Levitation
There's an African proverb which says: 'If you can talk, you can sing, and if you can walk, you can dance.' Here at BMC we say: If you can pick up a Beyblade, you can pick up your own dirty pants. And if you can put a Bionicle together or concentrate on your Beyblade without becoming unaccountably exhausted, you can pick up your laundry. And stick it back in the drawer. This means laundry to be replaced in appropriate drawers. It may be stuffed in any old how, but if you grit your teeth and stick with it you might just avoid the ghastly results of the prevalent teenage belief that laundry levitates from floor to laundry basket, to washing machine, and back to drawer. Of course, they get that from their fathers.

5. The Alzheimer Principle
Every time your child 'forgets' to do a chore, you 'forget' to add crisps to their lunchbox. With my son, a few days of carrot sticks soon breaks his spirit - and miraculously restores his memory.

6. The Allergy Card
Some children go through a rather tiresome ecological stage where they suddenly become 'allergic' to cleaning products. Buy them rubber gloves and a surgical mask, and don't forget - this sudden concern for the environment and the profits made by evil conglomerates can be turned to your advantage. They won't be wanting any Nikes, then, will they? Or - well, just about any item of nice or fashionable clothing.

7. Deliberate Incompetence
If they make a pig's ear of the washing up they can do it again, while you accidentally tape over Robot Wars with Mansfield Park.

8. In a minute!
If you keep getting the "In a minute" riposte, write down the time and date of their insubordination. Then when they want a lift to a party or a pair of trainers that glow purple and pick up Kiss FM, respond with: "In a minute". Yes, they'll hate you, but teenagers hate you anyway.

9. The Burning Martyr
Avoid my old Irish Aunty's mistake which was to sigh heavily, purse her mouth tighter than a cat's arse, emanate smoke and then Do What She'd Asked My Uncle To Do Five Hours Ago. ("Sure it's easier to do it meself.") That's why my Uncle ended up pronouncing: "I don't like women with too much education. They start answering back".

10. And Remember...
Don't expect cheerful obedience. Settle for sullen compliance instead. But think on this: every time your offspring picks up their socks or unloads a dishwasher with only a few muffled curses, you're that much closer to a child who won't turn out like my Uncle.